Happy New Year

Truthfully, there was a time in my life where I did not believe that earth ... humans to be specific, would be alive past the early 2000's. I'm not sure if it was the private school that I attended that influenced this thought or if I just couldn't visualize life existing past a certain point. As a young person, it was weird to think this way, but that's how I am.

Regardless of that negative thought, I'm very happy that we are still strollin' along on this beautiful planet and it doesn't seem like we're going to kill off anytime soon.
THANK GOODNESS! 

There is so much I want to do and see before I go to my next life (wherever that may be) and I feel like every new year is my chance to make small changes and goals that will put me one step closer to accomplishing my bigger dreams. 

I do think most people feel this way, and yet we all struggle with sticking to our plan that we were so ambitious about to begin with.

Last year I failed to do my vision board which was quite disappointing. Every day I would look at my vision board from the prior year and feel annoyed with myself. Why had I not made the time to do that very important thing that encourages me every day?

Sample Vision Board from Google Images

Truth be told, when 2013 rolled in, I was feeling frustrated, depressed, and probably a whole lot of angry at everything.

Back story:

Christmas 2011 was amazing but I felt something was missing. I had gone to the doctor in December (2011), whom was pressuring me about children because of my age. Okay, that sounds weird, but it's typical of older women, specifically in Utah. I went home with her words and really thought about what she had been saying.

When Christmas came, that was when I knew I wanted children. Christmas wasn't fun for me anymore. I have everything I want or need, I wanted to celebrate the holidays with kids, make it about them and shower them with love. I talked to Rob about this epiphany, then he said he was waiting on me and he didn't want to push it. What a relief.

One of My Main Goals for 2012 was to Conceive

I created my vision board for 2012 for all the things I wanted to accomplish or receive for the year, one of them being to get pregnant.

I think it's safe to say that I accomplished at least 50 percent of the things on my vision board for that year and usually every year that I do it I accomplish at least that much; which is why I love doing it.

But as the year was coming to end, I found myself having more and more hormonal problems. It was so upsetting to see all of my friends get pregnant with ease and I just continued to bleed. I know that is T.M.I., but for you to understand how painful this was for me you have to know the details.

I've always known that I had a hormonal imbalance. When I was 13, I was put on birth control because my periods were lasting 2 weeks at a time and were quite painful. Birth control seemed to help just fine and for the majority of my "period life," I have been on birth control to manage the problems. 

In 2007, I found myself at the doctors office with a lot of issues. They thought I had an ectopic pregnancy and did an ultrasound. They found a gigantic cyst on my ovary and told me that I had to be on the pill to help manage this. NEVER did a doctor tell me why I was getting these cysts. So I just went about my business; after all, I was in no hurry to have a kid.

But here was 2012, Rob and I just got married, we were trying to have a baby, and there were a lot of changes in our lives. I thought some of the issues with my hormonal problems were stress related. I'm sure stress makes the symptoms worse, but that wasn't my problem. 

When the 2013 new year came up, I was depressed. I was bleeding 14-19 days at a time, only to stop for a few days, and then start it all over again. I was emotional and frustrated. 

I would cry alone every time a friend would tell me her exciting news (that they were expecting) or they knew someone that was. And believe it or not, this was quite often. I knew a lot of people who got pregnant that year.

A friend recommended acupuncture. I went but my hormonal issues weren't going away. I will say though, acupuncture is very relaxing. Every time I left the office, I felt so centered and at ease with things. Maybe I didn't go long enough, but that's a different story.

Needless to say, I didn't want to do the vision board. I was angry and hurt.

I was diagnosed with PCOS, polycystic ovarian syndrome, early in 2013, when I had more than one ultrasound and my hormones tested which showed that they were really backwards from where they should be. 

The Difference Between Normal Ovaries and Polycystic Ovaries

It crushed me to find out that I wasn't ovulating and if you don't ovulate, well you can't get pregnant. PERIOD. No chance of having a baby on my own. 

The doctor said I would have to try Clomid to get pregnant and if that didn't work, then we would have to go to a fertility specialist.

I remember sitting in her office bawling my eyes out, not knowing what to say, just that I needed to talk to Rob and decide what is best for us right now. She teared up too and told me about her past issues with trying to get pregnant. What a great physician, so willing to be personable and try to make things seem better.

The next day I called her office and asked to be put back on birth control.

That was a really low point for me.

I tried several different types before I found one that I felt alright with, but I've been battling an acne war ever since. I HATE my hormones.

Rob Totally NEEDS This Shirt! He's Been Very Supportive.

I won't say that 2013 was a bad year. It wasn't. 

I work at a place I'm really happy at. We went on many trips. I graduated from the community college and started school at the university. I received a promotion at work. 

It was a good year. 

But the hormonal issues have been a heavy cloud following me around. 

Even if you can't see it, it's there. 

It hurts when I hear that someone is pregnant, but I'm slowly starting to feel like waiting is the right thing for us and it's easier for me to not feel those feelings of being lost and jealous. 

***Don't misunderstand me, I'm happy for my friends when I hear their news; I'm angry at my body for not knowing what to do with itself.

What a mistake it was though to not do the vision board for 2013. Throughout the year, I regretted not doing it. If I had made more goals to focus on for 2013, then maybe the news of PCOS would have been easier to deal with. 

So this year I put my big girl panties on and just did it. 

My vision board is simple this year, which is good. I included things about gardening, organizing, cooking, healthy skin, transformation, thankfulness, and being more creative with my writing and photography.

I feel really good about the small goals I did for myself and feel like I can accomplish them. I plan to post about these goals and find encouragement from my friends and readers here. 

This year WILL BE different. 

I turn 30 this year and feel it's really important to stick to my goals on a daily basis. I'm counting on you guys to be my accountabilibuddies to keep me in line and I will do the same for you.

2014 GOALS:

• Follow a healthy diet, eating vegetables daily and eating real food (less processed junk)
• Cook daily and get more creative with it, start coming up with my own recipes
• Clean daily 
• Organize my home, de-clutter the junk
• Clear up my acne (hopefully through natural ways)
• Do more gardening - more specifically, plant some veggies and landscape gardening
• Get more creative with my writing and photography, let my true artist out
• Get A's in school
• Transform my brain, pushing myself to the limits at keeping my brain fine tuned
• Be thankful
• Making wrongs right
• Plan a trip

These goals honestly seem more enjoyable and up my alley of hobbies than real challenges. Well...except for transforming my brain and making wrongs right; those seem challenging. But the rest I feel I can do.

To my readers:

• Have you thought about doing a vision board? 
• Have you set your goals for the year? 
• How do you plan to follow through on your resolutions? 

For me, I plan to follow through by being aware, looking at my board daily, and changing my habits now.

The Sky is the Limit